I’ve kept coming back to this sketch to eke away at it. First I just wanted to transfer it to paper, ink+wash tone it, then mail it off, but over time its become an ever-expanding project. It’s funny, the character depicted is not even my own, but my friend Emma’s (I really wish she had a tumblr/online presence to link to) and by this point the amount of effort/time sunk into “gift art” will seem excessive, bizarre.
well, beyond wanting to show kindness to a friend, I also really want to make this as A Work, and not just because of its power as a compelling image. Aside from being wonderfully designed, and playing to my fancy for “revision” characters, Blue2 fascinates because she’s a representation of violent perfectionist thought. I remember Emma describing her attacking Blue (1) because Blue is a bungler and Blue2 must execute every action perfectly.
Not adequately, not even “well”/”usefully”/”competently” (all different degrees of contextual) but perfectly (which can only be defined subjectively). this really speaks to my experience, getting so caught up in the pursuit of Perfect/Good Art (in itself, unattached/defined) obsessive/compulsive patterns and perfectionism that it killed my ability to make any art at all. I explore this in more depths in some of my essays (be patient, they’re forthcoming)
The character speaks to what was a huge (and actively chosen) part of my identity, and although I have identified it as a problem and have been making strides to change my action/thought, that part of my life has not even had time to be “behind me” its like “right there just a few steps away”. I can even go back a few pages of my tumblr and see entries that were products of that mindset.
Anyway, the image is completely worked out, I’m ready to transfer it to paper and real media. Later I can work out the pattern that will be on the framing mat boards. I’m thinking constellations because they’re consistent with both my personal symbolic vocab—in my works euclidian forms have come to represent logic, thought, obsessive/perfectionist thinking; as well as the star-flecked backdrop.
offhand: I had this really strong narcissistic art-fantasy hope people would know/remember my work for “She had a lot to say about darkness”, but considering the limited scope of what I’ve shared over the years, it’s more likely to be “She had a lot to say about dogs.”